Wait... are you...? 🏳️‍⚧️

July 11th, 2024

Yup… I’m trans.

I’ve been non-binary presenting on all of my social media profiles (the few that are left haha) for a long time, and Snoozy Kazoo has always been extremely LGBTQ+ friendly, so I wouldn’t be shocked if some of you have already pieced this together, but I have been transitioning MTF (male to female) for about a year!

I knew I was trans throughout Turnip Boy Robs a Bank’s development cycle, and some people might have picked up on it through some dialogue or how nonchalant we were about our trans representation haha.

I created a little article section on my website so I could tell my story if it means it might help someone, or even teach them a thing or two! Without further ado, here’s my story…

Cracking the Egg

For anyone who doesn’t know, a trans person is typically referred to as an “egg” before they realize they’re trans. When you realize you’re trans, it’s referred to as your egg “cracking”, and through transition you basically shed the eggshell.

My egg cracked in February of 2023. One night, after playing Fortnite with my friends, I went on a random tangent claiming “why would you ever play Fortnite as a male skin?”, because OBVIOUSLY playing as a female skin is just, the objective best way to play. A few of my friends were like “is there something you want to tell us?”, and then laughed off the conversation and moved on.

After I went offline, I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. I was racking my brain as to why I thought that opinion. Surely it was just because I LIKE women right?

I’ve always felt there was something off when thinking about my sexuality. I was raised as a cis white hetrosexual male, and there’s no way I could be gay, as I like women, so why did it feel… off? It’s not like I was attracted to men after all, so I couldn’t be gay, right…?

That night I thought back to all my trans and nonbinary friends. I always held them in high respect, as if they understood something deeper about themselves. I never understood why I felt this way, but I just… did? Soon I eventually came to think;

Am I trans?

As soon as I thought that, I felt a clarity I can only think of as a massive wave of relief. I felt like I finally figured out what has been plaguing me for my entire life, and with that was a massive weight off my shoulders. I felt free, and then my heart sank deeper than it ever had before.

When I was a kid, I had REALLY long hair. I was always called a girl, and I didn’t really pay it too much mind. One of my great uncles eventually commented on it, demeaning me because I was too feminine. Needless to say, that one really got under my skin, and I ended up chopping it all off that summer, and slowly trying to build myself to become more of what I thought a man was (burying my emotions, growing a patchy beard, losing weight and building very little, but some muscle). I’ve always felt out of place, especially in school (both in and before college). I felt like everyone else who knew they were, and somehow I could never come to a true understanding of myself. I was just a shell of a person who made games, a hobby I BURIED myself into (if you can’t tell, check my archive. I made so many games haha), so therefore that was all I was, and I just trudged forwards, regardless of the spiraling degradation of my mental health.

All that time, I was trans. I just didn’t know it. I had gone all that time, suppressing myself without realizing it, not allowing myself to become the person I actually wanted to become.

When I realized that, I tried to think of signs I might have shown when I was a kid, but I was always shoved almost into a gender neutral role. All my schools had unisex uniforms, I never got to play with fashion. I ended up burying myself in my work, not allowing me to really express myself physically. I was just, a shell, or a shell that made games.

No wonder it took me so long to figure it out. The year up to this realization was focused on finally battling my mental health and figuring out the person I wanted to become.

Ever since that day, there has not been one day that has gone by where I think “nah, I was wrong”. Being trans has been something that has just come to feel completely natural. I don’t think I could imagine a life where I’m not.

Coming Out (But Offline)

As soon as you realize your trans, one of the first things that you think of is “shit wait, I have to tell people this?” and trust me, it’s not easy. Thinking about all the ways it could go wrong is a mental battle that’s sure to lead you straight into a spiral, and that’s especially not fun when it’s about acceptance of you as a human being.

I started by telling one of my close transfem friends Lexy, because I needed someone to ask if these feelings I’m having even make sense from a trans perspective. She was incredibly nice about everything, led me through asking myself where these questions were coming from, and was incredibly unbiased through the whole process, not pushing me to be trans, but myself. This definitely led me down a research rabbithole, where I found tons of memes and like-minded folk who were also in an egg state (while most of these places were on reddit and shut down because of the protests, I can recommend r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2 as an example). This increased my confidence around the whole thing, and I started to experiment with my style.

After that, I thought it was time to tell my best friend, Jennifer Kindl about everything. I knew Jen was going to be supportive, but I didn’t realize how supportive she would end up being. I told her on a car ride to a showcase event, where we would show Turnip Boy Robs a Bank’s demo for the first time, and she was extremely excited, and wanted to help me out with numerous things.

The first of many things Jen did was help me go “girl mode” for the first time. This was going to be a way to see myself as what I would basically be transitioning into full-time, so Jen took it incredibly seriously. She taught me her entire makeup routine (which I still do today), helped me find and put on a wig (I had SUPER short hair at the time), and brought me to the bathroom to see myself for the first time.

Let’s just say we immediately both started crying, as I, for the first time in my life, saw someone I ACTUALLY wanted to be. I remember saying to Jen “Well, I HAVE to transition now, because I can’t go back after seeing this.” I spent the rest of the day gawking in every mirror Jen has in her home, as I couldn’t believe how suddenly, with the application of some makeup and a wig, everything felt completely different, new, and finally right.

Jen continued to be a massive support, along with a bunch of my other friends (Pearl, Lexy, Joe, Gavin, & Savannah to name a few!) and family, and I can’t thank them enough for all the time spent shopping for new clothes, makeup and other girl tutorials, and the incredibly supportive and caring gifts I have received from them for birthdays and holidays. I seriously cannot thank them enough for everything they have done for me, so thank you. ❤️

There definitely were a few bumps in the road when coming out though. Not everyone took it as well as I wish they could have, but that’s kinda to be expected. I definitely lost friends, and in the end it’s ok, since I would rather surround myself with people who treat me with respect, and understand that I am what I am, and they can’t change me.

Toast

Shortly after I came out, my cat Toast passed due to her lungs becoming full of liquid. We didn’t spot it quick enough, and when we brought her in, she was past saving.

I felt the need to insert a little section about her in here because she truly was a support system of mine. I used to call her the ultimate ally. When I first put on a dress, I did it in-front of her, and she didn’t bat an eye.

I know that’s maybe a little silly, but with her just always being around me, rolling around on the floor or climbing under the sheets with me, she helped get me through one of the most turbulent times I can imagine.

Thank you Toastie, rest in peace. ❤️

HRT

For anyone that doesn’t know, HRT means “Hormone Replacement Therapy”. It’s basically the main (although trans peeps who don’t do it are perfectly valid!) type of transgender treatment. It’s basically when you replace the hormone your body defaultly creates with the opposite one. In my case, that means pumping copious amounts of Estrogen into my body.

I REALLY wanted to start HRT as soon as possible. I ended up waiting quite a bit, around ten months, to start. I really wanted to make sure I was making the right decision, so I ended up talking to a gender therapist along with my regular one. My gender therapist was incredibly affirming, and after I told her my story, she pushed me to make the decision with HRT that felt right (read as, put the decision in my court).

I started HRT in November, and I haven’t looked back since. I started with pills, but the whole “dissolving them under your tongue” wasn’t working for me, so I swapped to patches.

I got my patches on as I write this, so I’m turning more girl by the minute!

Moving Out

Right around the same time I started HRT, I visited my friend Pearl Slayton in her home state, Michigan. For people who don’t know, Pearl has made game art for Snoozy Kazoo, with them playing a huge part at the end of Turnip Boy Robs a Bank.

Pearl and I met on Twitter back when the logo was a bird, and ever since she started work at Snoozy Kazoo, we’ve hung out on the side, playing games together like Fortnite and Minecraft. Turns out after two years of playing games together, we learned we had feelings for each other! Crazy! Fortnite literally got me a girlfriend!

Pearl has been one of my best friends, and a MASSIVE support for me transitioning. They have showered me with love and affection, and have truly accepted me for who I am. They continue to help me everyday by showing me new makeup techniques, cheering me on through appointments and medication drama, and just being an amazing partner and friend who is one of the more caring, kind, and thoughtful people I’ve ever met. She means the world to me, and I’m so lucky to be able to call her my girlfriend. 💖

This is all to say that we decided to move her out from Michigan all the way to Massachusetts. We ended up driving the entire way and it was a ROUGH drive haha. We ended up stopping by and saying hi to Carson at Niagara Falls though which was pretty cool!

Ever since I’ve moved in with Pearl, I have felt truly free to express myself. It’s what has given me the freedom and confidence to finally come out publicly, and continue with my transition to the fullest.

Coming Out (Online this time!)

I’m not going to lie, I have been terrified to say this for the last year and a half, but…

Hi! My name is Yukon Wainczak, owner of Snoozy Kazoo! (my name ain’t changing, it’s too cool to give up)

I’m a transfem who goes by the pronouns she/her! It’s nice to finally meet you as who I really am!

I hope you enjoy our games! 💚

The Future

Snoozy Kazoo has always been extremely queer. From the start, I wanted to build a game studio that pushes LGBTQ+ representation by normalization. I believe that queer people should exist in our media, both in main cast roles, and side roles, and everyone should feel represented. While I was figuring out myself, I clung to any representation I could. I headcanon my Fortnite skin as trans, made the Blueberry Florist unapologetically trans, and I bought a bunch of BLAHAJs.

My existence is worth celebrating, just like everyone else! With our future games, I want to celebrate more and more people, as much as I can, and represent them in a way that makes them feel respected. That is what I want.

As for me personally, I’m just going to continue my transition, but without any fear about “what the internet will think”. I am who I am, I can’t change that, but I can sure as hell embrace it. I encourage everyone to be who they truly are, and to respect each other! We all live on spaceship Earth, and we have only one life. Be yourself, and let no one tell you to do otherwise!

Afterword

I would like to thank everyone who I name dropped in this article, but also everyone who I didn’t who has been supportive of me through my transition. I want to extend a massive thank you to everyone at Snoozy Kazoo, who have been nothing but extremely supportive and caring. Thank you! 💝

Peace out dorks,

😈 Yukon

P.S. Turnip Boy is now a genderfluid femboy!!! Have fun!!!